Marriage and the Church
Jerry Seinfeld tells Kramer he had a very interesting lunch with George Costanza.
“Really?” Kramer asks.
Seinfeld goes on, “We were talking about our lives and we both kind of realized we’re kids. We’re not men.”
Kramer: “So, then you asked yourselves, ‘Isn’t there something more to life?’”
“Yes. We did.”
“Yeah, well, let me clue you in on something. There isn’t.”
“There isn’t?”
“Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family?”
Kramer goes on to tell Jerry that marriages are man-made prisons. “You can forget about watching TV while you’re eating. … You know why? Because it’s dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner? … You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? … It’s sad, Jerry. It’s a sad state of affairs.”
“I’m glad we had this talk.”
“Oh, you have no idea.” [1]
I always think about this scene when I’m talking to couples getting ready for marriage. Kramer has some expectations about what happens in a marriage. We all come into marriage with expectations.
But marriage is not what we expect.
Kramer thinks marriage is much less than we expect. By that I mean that he does not believe marriage is a part of anything bigger than itself, because there is nothing bigger.
Yet the Bible points us to something bigger. And according to Ephesians, our marriages point the world to that bigger thing. So I tell couples marriage is not what we expect. It’s much more.
To understand that, you have to ask that same question Seinfeld did. Is there more to life? Am I part of something bigger than myself? Is my marriage part of something bigger? And if so, what exactly?
In Ephesians we get the answer:
He [God] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. (Eph 1:9-10)
That’s the bigger thing. That is the more to life. God is uniting everything under Christ. Each of us is a part of what God is doing.
Of course, Seinfeld is not the only one asking if there is more to this life. Everyone wants to believe we are part of something bigger.
Consider the two most important pieces of fiction ever produced: The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. You have the hobbit, Frodo Baggins, small in stature and insignificant in the world. But by the end he is on a mission to save Middle Earth.
Then there’s Luke Skywalker, growing up in the middle of nowhere, Tatooine. He doesn’t know he has the force. He doesn’t even know Princess Leia is his sister (which makes it awkward when he kisses her). But by the end, he’s saving the galaxy.
In nearly every great story, a nobody becomes part of something bigger. It’s a great plot device, because it’s the gospel. We are all nobodies. Yet God pulls us into the bigger story “for the praise of his glory” (Eph 1:12, 14).
So we come back to marriage. Remember what we read in Ephesians about marriage?
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
(Eph 5:21-33, emphasis added)
Is Paul talking about marriage or the church?
Yes.
For Paul you cannot separate marriage and the church. He can’t talk about the one without talking about the other.
In fact, talking about our marriages in a general sense leads him to talking about one specific marriage: Christ’s marriage to the church.
Now, pause and ask yourself this: when other people think about my marriage, do they naturally think about the marriage of Christ to the church?
All marriages are a reflection of that greater marriage. It’s just that some of our marriages are poor reflections while others are better. We cannot hide behind the hope that no one is connecting our marriage to that of Christ and the church, because they are.
Now, you didn’t ask for that. But you can’t have it both ways. You can’t hope your life is part of something bigger, but then conveniently assume your marriage is not. God is not wasting any of God’s work in the world. And God is bringing all things together. Even husbands and wives.
Our marriages demonstrate the uniting work God is doing in the world. Our faithfulness to those marriages proves that Jesus will be faithful to those God unites.
Marriage is much more than we expect. Isn’t it?
—
[1] Seinfeld. “The Engagement.” Episode 1, year 7. September 21, 1995. Transcription accessed here.
