Is it Time to Quit My Church?

The COVID pandemic has delivered one surprise after another, and churches have experienced unprecedented challenges. Many valiantly pivoted to online platforms and became innovative in their efforts to stay connected. They did this while struggling to implement changing guidance about gatherings and found it impossible to please everyone.

For me, perhaps the saddest aspect of the pandemic has been the polarization and consequent sorting of churchgoers. Some left church for a season, if not permanently. Others switched churches, often breaking away from congregations or faith traditions that may have been their home for decades or a lifetime.

There’s a method to this sorting. From Poland to Brazil, and from Maine to California, churches have seen members come and (mostly) go for reasons of partisanship. In some instances, this may simply be the culmination of long-standing dissatisfaction with church leaders. But the presenting issue at the moment is partisanship, revealed in varying views on the pandemic, the 2020 election, and racial or social justice issues. COVID has opened the door for Christians to migrate from one faith community to another because of their partisan views.

This deserves a lot of commentary. Why aren’t people changing their partisan views because of their churches? Why are folks reinforcing their own opinions by switching to churches that better align with what they believe about partisan politics? It would be nice if folks would engage in a season of soul searching about their priorities, but nothing in the recent past leads me to put much hope in that.

A couple quick caveats about the question in my article title. This question is not for those who switched churches during the pandemic. That genie is not going back in the bottle, so to speak. I am also not directing this question toward ministers, a growing number of whom have quit or will soon leave ministry. In some cases, their departures are the culmination of many frustrating years, and I can hardly blame them. In others, though, a change in profession is probably overdue even without a pandemic.

Rather, my article’s vexing question is for those who have stuck it out so far in their existing churches. At some point, you will no doubt have to consider a crucial question: “Is now an appropriate time to leave my church?”

If you’re someone who has remained with your church, even as you’ve wondered about its future, I have nothing but admiration for you. Despite your loyalty, however, the great sifting is upon us. Church decline has accelerated due to events beyond our control. You will eventually need to ask yourself that question: “Is it time to quit my church?”

Before you can answer, you need to honestly assess what it is you want from a church at this stage of your life. In the U.S. today, there are really three kinds of churchgoers.

First, there are those who need to be part of a church that feels successful. There are still a handful of these churches in every community. They’re the ones who have the most going on, the most dynamic ministries and facilities, and an undeniable buzz. Lots of people genuinely need this kind of environment for reasons that are both obvious and subconscious. There are real problems with the way people define success, yet I admit that these churches often have a tremendously positive footprint in their communities and in the lives of their members. If your spiritual life needs the stability of an environment that seems more prosperous, and if your current church doesn’t fit that bill, then I think you have your answer.

Second, there are those who value loyalty over change. These people may have a variety of reasons for staying. Memories forged over a long time. Relationships with those still there. Eternal optimism in the hope of congregational resurrection. Or simple contentment with things as they are. They may struggle to see the obstacles to reaching new people – an unfortunate side effect. They may wish to add new members, but only if that wouldn’t require change. I have concerns about a kind of complacency that values status quo over effective outreach and service, yet I have a tremendous amount of respect for these folks. They have a deep sense of ownership of the church, and that’s not bad. So if loyalty to your church would cause you to never leave for any reason, then I think you have your answer.

Finally, a third kind of churchgoer belongs to a group of people who just want to see something positive happen. Ideally, these are folks who are committed to living out the mission of God. They may simply be pragmatists who don’t care about lots of things as long as lives are being changed. They may define “mission of God” in multiple ways, but they are convinced it is their duty to be part of a faith community that makes a difference in the world.

For this last group, I have strong words of advice. Be part of the solution. Join the leadership or urge your leadership to action. And then allow some time for things to take shape. Sometimes the first step in a remodel involves demolition. For those with eyes able to envision the final product, such temporary discomfort is but a crucial step in the process. But in every process, there eventually comes a season when things either begin to take shape or merely keep devolving. I think the crucial moment of judgment is when it’s time to hand the work of the church back over to the church. Will members step up to lead an ongoing ministry of service and/or outreach? Or will members sit back and expect a paid minister or a few burned-out volunteers try to carry the load? This is the moment when you can judge whether it’s time to quit your church. If almost no one steps forward to serve in a clearly defined season of opportunity, then it’s likely time for you to find another faith community that is more willing to partner with the mission of God.

I wish all were the third type of churchgoer, but I respect the other two. For those who want to see positive things happen, it’s my sincere prayer that your church would move toward partnering with the work of God to make a real difference. If not, I pray you find the right way to leave so you can find another group of believers who work together to make a difference.