When Leaders Get their Feelings Hurt

I have had a few conversations lately with leaders wrestling with hurt feelings. So maybe this is a timely reminder for all of us that lead God's people.

Leaders get their feelings hurt.

It does happen. To every one of us. Elders and preachers. Our families. We all get our feelings hurt. You need thick skin to be a spiritual leader. It is hard. Most people never know how many hours you spend trying to help people. Investing in lives. Late nights. Emotional investment. Tears shed. This happens to the real spiritual leaders, not just the leaders who only go to meetings.

You give solid, practical, truthful advice. And the person you are trying to help gets mad. Or they leave. Or they lie about you.  

They get personal. They bring up your faults. Or if they know about it, they bring up your past. It hurts. Because leaders have feelings too.  

So how do you handle the hurt feelings?

Here are a few suggestions and reminders:

Remember that they are rebelling against God, not just you. When you have to confront someone over their life choices, or when they demand acceptance of sin choices, you have to remember it is not personal. They are refusing to submit to God, not you.  

Stand on Scripture. All of our leadership advice has to be grounded in Scripture. So when they yell or get angry, I just point out that we are talking about what the Bible says. So they can be mad at God, not the messenger.  

It is not your job to make everyone happy.  

People sometimes leave no matter what.

Some are going to live the way they want, no matter what.

Some people do not react well because they are fighting a war within themselves. Be patient. Be loving. Be there. Sometimes they do in fact surrender to God and repent.

You cannot save everyone. That is not even your job.

I find it helpful to remember that God—and sometimes His leaders—must have been really frustrated with me sometimes. And I wanted to do better. It just took a while to get it together.

This is a hard one, but I have found it to be true. When you have seen someone at their worst, when you have waded into the blood, mud, and tears of their life, when you have lived with them through the worst experience of their life, you are a living reminder of that time. They love you, they appreciate you, they will always be grateful. But they will not always want to be reminded of that time by seeing you.

Spiritual leadership is hard. Abraham, Moses, Samuel, David, Peter, Paul. They all got it. They understood rejection and rebellion. They got their feelings hurt. They cried. And they kept following. They kept pointing people to the Lord. And they never gave up.  

You shouldn't either.

Because sometimes people listen. Sometimes they respond. Sometimes they repent. Sometimes they remain faithful.