Love Requires Vulnerability

Thomas Keating once said, “Suffering is part of the warp and woof of living. It is not an end in itself, but part of the price one has to pay for being greatly loved. Love, whether human or divine, makes you vulnerable.”

This made me think. Hate is about controlling others, while love is about becoming vulnerable to them. Vulnerability opens us up to suffering because people will inevitably hurt us.

With hate, I can excuse myself to see a person only as an object to be manipulated and controlled. I can tear them down, gossip about them, and feel contempt toward them because they have not met my expectations or fulfilled my desires.

Yet if I love them, as Jesus loved me, then I open myself up to them with the possibility they will cause me pain. That’s dangerous! Perhaps that’s why we choose and excuse our hate rather than open ourselves up to loving others.

Thomas á Kempis wrote in The Imitation of Christ:

If there is good in you, see more good in others, so that you may remain humble. It does no harm to esteem yourself less than anyone else, but it is very harmful to think yourself better than even one. The humble live in continuous peace, while in the hearts of the proud are envy and frequent anger.

Paul talks about this in Phil. 2:3–7:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant.

Remember this: Jesus chose vulnerability over control. When he could have chosen the latter and could have condemned each and every one of us with hate, he chose to empty himself and become vulnerable to us with great love. That vulnerability put him on a cross! My guess is, if you asked Jesus if it was worth it, he would just look at you and smile.

Paul writes in Eph. 4:1–3, “Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” He goes on to say in verse 32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” God calls us to love each other through humility, gentleness, patience, and putting up with each other. In other words, to become vulnerable, just like Jesus.

What would happen in the world around us if more Christians took this approach toward others? What would happen if we chose to become vulnerable and love others in that same way? Maybe the only way to change things is to simply start with today. Today, change your view toward anyone and everyone with whom you come into contact. Then, do it again tomorrow. Maybe it won’t change the world, but it will definitely change you. Then when (or if) others ask you if it was worth it, you can just turn to them and smile!