Family Prayers

From the time my wife and I married in 1989, through having children, teenagers, and now adult children, we have struggled with praying as a family. Jill and I have always prayed together from the time we dated, but there came a day when we no longer prayed before going to bed, before going to work, or at meals. We have long prayed silently to ourselves, but verbalizing prayers has been hard over the years – thanks to pride, arguments, and laziness.

I want to break down family prayer in this article, and my goal is to open a space for young families to realize that prayer is vital, hard, and life-changing.

You may be “happy” to hear that a family like mine doesn’t just naturally and easily pop into daily family devotionals and pray “without ceasing” – not without wrestling through what it means to pray. I don’t want the message of this post to be only that we pray, but more about what it means to genuinely connect with God as a family. For in these times, isolated more than ever with COVID-19 quarantines on top of social, religious, emotional, and political divisions, there is a desperate need for cooped up families to learn what it means to seek God together (and alone!). I don’t have answers to this as much as I want to name the problem many of us are facing in our weird existence right now.

I’m not going to just leave it there. As I reflect on how my family has functioned (or not) in prayer, I want to offer this reflection to you in your own search for meaningful prayer times in your family.

When we had young children, prayers were part of meals and part of nightly bedtime rituals. Prayer was also part of occasional family devotionals when our kids were teenagers. We all in different ways resisted prayer and devotion to God. We didn’t (and still don’t) want to stop watching television, playing, or get off our phones to pray.

Through the years, we’ve tried many ways to pray. We've tried the "Lord, we just want to just, you know, just thank you" prayers off the top of our heads. We've tried the "thank you for the sunshine prayers" that never quite touch where our hearts truly are. We've tried prayers that are only and always focused on others and their sicknesses. We have also tried confessional prayers, but it's difficult to get specific, even when you've had an argument that makes it readily apparent what sin you've just committed with your spouse!

We’ve also tried many resources designed to help turn our eyes and ears to God in prayer, lifting our voices and listening with our ears. I could tell you about many a prayer guide, but I'll share about the one we have found most abiding and enduring in our prayer life, because it is something you can also seek out in your own context of faith and family.

Produced by the Upper Room, the “Guide to Prayer” series includes several books with various titles such as A Guide to Prayer for All Who Walk with God. It has transformed my family and individual prayers from grasping for words and spiritual growth, to more thoughtful, beautiful, blessed prayers that meet us in our struggles and take us to new places of discernment and love for God, neighbors, and enemies.

One reason I like A Guide to Prayer for All Who Walk with God is because it is structured by weeks, not days. I’ve never been able to consistently follow a daily prayer guide, so I like that this series follows a weekly pattern that includes affirmation, a psalm, prayer, Scripture reading, silence, and reflection. Each week has a theme, and the overall guide is organized by the Christian church year. [1]

I also enjoy the “Guide to Prayer” because it includes, according to the Upper Room, “daily readings drawn from the history of Christian spirituality and feature such writers as Francis of Assisi, Teresa of Avila, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Henri J. M. Nouwen, Sue Monk Kidd, Douglas Steere, Jan Richardson, Trevor Hudson, Wendy M. Wright, and many others.”

This may sound like an advertisement for the books, but let me share this from the website; maybe it will spark an idea for you to give this book to someone or to purchase it for yourself and your family.

Beautifully bound in a leather-like cover, A Guide to Prayer for All Who Walk with God makes a perfect gift and a reliable companion for anyone seeking to deepen a steady life of prayer.

I haven’t always used the guide directly for family prayers, but the guide has inspired new (to us) ways to pray on all occasions. For instance, the following is a “liturgy” I took to one of our vacations when the kids were teenagers, inspired by the guide to prayer.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015: St. Georges Island, Beach House

Quotes of the Day (Ashley)
“It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.”
– Nick Hornby

“Why is it," he said, one time, at the subway entrance, "I feel I've known you so many years?"
"Because I like you," she said, "and I don't want anything from you.”
– Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.”
– Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven

Questions (Anna)
What’s one fashion trend you hope never comes back?
What bad habit do you wish you could break?
What is your favorite book you read in the past year? In your life?

Scripture Reading (Jacob)
Ruth 1:1-22

Prayer (Jill)

As Christmas celebrations were difficult and more disjointed this year, I reached again for the Upper Room to guide my adult children and our spouses into prayer. We used the guide for brief readings when we gathered for meals.

One reason we pray is because life is hard. God is leading us to do much as we work and share love with others, and we need the Lord to guide and help us. Without this guidance, we are like a sailboat without sails. The work of seeking social justice locally, nationally, and globally makes prayer essential. Those who do this work know that the difficulties of changing the world around us in ways we believe God wants us to act, requires constant prayer and guidance.

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[1] The Christian year has developed over centuries as a way Christians of various denominations have counted time, flowing from Advent to Christmas, from Lent to Ordinary Time. I’m not explaining these because each would take another article, but you can look them up.