Credibility: Your Secret Weapon Against Conflict
In ministry, conflict is inevitable—but it doesn’t always have to be combustible. One of the most effective ways to prevent misunderstandings from escalating is to build and maintain credibility. When people trust your character, believe in your competence, and know you’re consistent, they’re far more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt in tense moments. For Christian leaders, credibility isn’t just a professional asset—it’s a spiritual responsibility that reflects Christ’s example of integrity and truth. By building your credibility, you can essentially outsmart a great deal of conflict. Below, I offer a few areas to consider.
Time
No shocker here: time is the great equalizer. Make every effort to be on time, stay on time, and treat others’ time with respect. So easy to say, but much harder to do. This one is a constant uphill battle for this communication evangelist and off-the-charts extrovert. I always have one more thing to add. 🤓 I’m vowing to do better. Who’s with me?
In addition, ministry work has a great deal of autonomy and independence—appropriately so. It’s a great idea to keep track of your time, what you’re working on, and who you are working with. This not only helps you use your time wisely, but it’s also a useful document if there is ever a question about how you spend your time, since much of your work is not on a Sunday in full view of your church family.
Environment
As stated above, much of ministry is unseen, or difficult to put on a spreadsheet. People equate what they see with your professionalism. What does your desk say about you as a professional? This one encourages me to set the timer for five or ten minutes and just clean up or organize one part of my office. I’ve been shocked at how well this one works for me. ⏱️
Demeanor
This one is critically important and directly tied to your nonverbal communication or body language. 🙂 We need to break this one down into a couple subcategories:
Overall demeanor – Day in, day out, are you someone who calms things down, or are you one who stays flustered and stressed out? Working with people whose big-deal-o-meter is out of proportion is exhausting, quite frankly, and it absolutely will affect others’ desire to work with you. Think of someone you respect, and then pay attention to their tone, facial expressions, pace, and responses. If they have earned your respect, they communicate in a way that earns credibility.
Stress demeanor – Our demeanors can change on what I call “game day.” When the stakes are high and you are feeling stressed, does your communication drastically change? Research shows that the most effective leaders are those who can get through these times of stress in a way that calms the group, enables difficult conversations productively, and tackles the challenge with the team intact.
Defense-o-meter
Defensiveness is the absolute credibility killer. Think of someone that you’ve worked with who is super defensive. Do you want to work with them? Nope. Do you avoid them? Yep. Is the person a strong leader? Not even close.
The truth isn’t always fun, but it is always a gift. Take every opportunity to listen openly to feedback. Sometimes this feedback will have merit; sometimes it won’t. Again, body language is key here; volume and facial expressions are especially important and can shut things down in a heartbeat if you aren’t careful. This one will serve you well in those heated elders’ meetings. 😊😠🙃🥴
Word Count
The higher your word count is, the lower your credibility is. A general guideline, for meetings or conversation, is to stay in the three-five sentence range when making a point or answering a question. If people want to know more, they will ask. This guideline allows you to speak up with clarity and focus. No one wants to hijacked in a meeting or conversation due to a high word count. 😎
Hedgers and Fillers
If you preach every Sunday, you have likely mastered this one already. However, most ministers on staff don’t preach every Sunday. Delete the bad habit of “ands, ums, you knows…” from your everyday conversation, and your credibility will immediately improve. Hear me: there will never be a time in your life where you will need MORE hedgers and fillers. This one has a huge ROI in any situation—not just during a sermon. 🗣️
You can think and listen twice as fast as you can speak, and this can cause a teeny brain freak-out when you are the speaker and there is any tiny slice of silence. When you notice any “ands” or “ums” in your conversation, simply close your mouth, pause, and then finish your thought. Most hedgers and fillers start with vowel sounds, so by closing your mouth, you immediately stop the bad habit. Before you know it, the habit will be gone, vastly improving how others perceive your communication.
Grammar/Pronunciation
Many professionals are concerned about having an accent, but accents are quite interesting and engaging. Instead, focus on using consistently proper grammar and clear pronunciation. For example, as a Southerner and a fast talker to boot, I make sure that I slow down and put endings on my words, so no matter what part of the country I’m in, people can easily understand me. I don’t try to change or hide my accent; I simply make sure my grammar is correct and that I slow down. Done and done. 🤠
To wrap up, remember: habits always win. People don’t rise to the occasion; they fall back on their habits. Working on a couple of these habits will help you speak up with credibility during a difficult conversation and outsmart a great deal of conflict.
