All tagged conflict
It can be ok that that other church or denomination is more successful in our town; we don’t have to find fault with them or let jealousy steal our hearts. It can be ok that, in the past, our groups have had significant conflict; not all inter-group conflict is resolvable, and sometimes we just have to lay down our weapons and move on, seeking first God’s kingdom and righteousness.
I think what we’ve missed is that some matters of church life and spirituality aren’t a matter of right and wrong. To be certain, some matters are quite clear, but it’s not as common as we think. In some cases, we’re dealing with a continuum that might include a wide range of possible answers. In other cases, there’s ambiguity as to which position might be right.
Ever been disfellowshipped? If so, you know some of the pain that can be there. Despite its positive foundation, it is a way that Christian behavior mirrors some of the most damaging and painful tendencies of our modern world.
We always have the choice as to how we see another person. We can resist evil, reject unrighteousness, and even contend for the faith without losing sight of the image and likeness of God in our conversation partner, our opponent, our enemy.
In ministry, conflict is inevitable—but it doesn’t always have to be combustible. One of the most effective ways to prevent misunderstandings from escalating is to build and maintain credibility. When people trust your character, believe in your competence, and know you’re consistent, they’re far more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt in tense moments.
When I felt the nudge to check in earlier, all I wanted to do was see how they were doing. I didn’t have a list of action items or suggestions for the girls. I just wanted this mom to know that I cared, but my silence communicated just the opposite. The silent treatment is always the worst communication plan.
It strikes me that any one of these communication qualities that I listed is a game-changer for the people around us. There are the rare people, like my dad, who have many admirable communication habits, but if you have any one of these and are maybe working on another, then you are in a strong position to show Jesus to others.
While we want to create safety, we honestly can’t—at least for the most part. Jesus certainly didn’t play it safe. His ministry was risky from day one.
Being a peacemaker requires strength and skill as a communicator. If we are going to be effective peacemakers, we have to be smarter too.
If we can pause, think about what we want to happen BEFORE we leap into the 12-year-old win/lose mindset, we will seek and save the lost too, my friends.
Why are humility and courage so difficult? Wouldn’t it be easier to handle things with humility and courage to prevent pain and suffering? Conflict has such a high price tag.
Just because we disagree does not make one of us stupid. In the same way, one of us may be wrong about things, but that does not mean we are not in love with Jesus.
You can either work on the conflict or get over it. Pick one. Surely the relationship means more to you than being right about what someone should have done.
As church leaders, we can’t limit our thinking to week-to-week activities and plans. Think about what you want your church to be in twenty years and plant that tree today!
My prayer for all of us is that we are so secure in Christ’s love and acceptance, that it changes what we think about others, changes the very words we choose during the most difficult of times, with the most difficult people, and when we feel the most defensive.
I’m no Bible scholar and don’t pretend to add much to what has already been said about Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. But as I read these scriptures through my communication-evangelist eyes, I can’t help but see a beautiful picture of what a believer is.
The truth remains: if you want to be successful at anything, including communication, you must develop successful habits.
Abigail’s leadership is impressive and provides a great pattern for us as we navigate our own challenges and conflicts.
Don’t miss out on the best things because you won’t get in there and deal with difficult things. Sometimes, if people will just stay in the room, it will be enough.
It’s time to stop being mad about what people aren’t doing and ask for what you need. I mean it. I’m like a broken record out here as I’m coaching people through conflict. “Just ask,” I say, over and over.
