We Need Each Other More Than We Think (Part 3)
In Part One and Part Two of this little series, we’ve been talking about the phenomenon of disfellowshipping, how it is based on a positive aspect of church leadership that God gives us, and some of the reasons that we can end up disfellowshipping each other. In this last installment, I want to make a two-part plea: 1) for healthy church leadership that does not have to lead to so much relational brokenness; and 2) for a greater willingness to put up with one another, even if that means we have to agree to disagree.
First, though, let me give some background to my views here. As a scholar, my primary research area is in church history. I regularly teach an undergraduate course in which we examine the entirety of church history. As a result, we see a lot of the “good days” and a lot of the “bad days”; we see corruption and renewal, heresy and true doctrine, and schism and reunification. We talk about how Jesus both said “I did not come to bring peace but a sword” and also prayed “that all of them may be one” (NIV, Matthew 10:34b; John 17:21a).
But I’ve also been watching how the modern church has dealt with many contemporary cultural challenges, not least of which is the extreme self-centeredness that flows out of the cultural movements of the 1960s and 1970s. It has become very hard to convince someone that a position or feeling is wrong by means of logic; if it “feels right” to someone, they will tend to hold strongly to that position. Add to that the fading of Christianity’s central position in large portions of our country, and you have a difficult situation for the church. We have lost much of whatever cultural “oomph” we had in the past, and we have little chance of convincing folks of Christian ideas with rational arguments (which has long been the preferred method in most traditional Protestant groups).
This is why I have given these posts their title: over the next several decades, we are going to come to a strong realization that we need each other deeply. As our churches and denominations decline, we will still need good Christian fellowship. And it may turn out that our best bets for good Christian brothers and sisters are in churches just down the street, even of different denominations, since we already share cultural elements and may be connected outside of church. I have already experienced this fellowship while living in cities in non-Bible-Belt portions of our country, and I think it’s going to continue to spread.
But to share fellowship with other churches means that we may need to put up with things that we don’t necessarily like. Here are a few examples:
If we want to get along with other Churches of Christ (I’ll speak from my home fellowship for now), we’ll share views about the centrality of Scripture, but we might need to tolerate different views on things like women in leadership or instrumental music.
If we want to get along with Baptists, we’ll share views about God’s good gift of salvation, but we might need to agree to disagree about the role that baptism plays within the process of salvation.
If we want to get along with Methodists, we’ll share views about the importance of good, ethical living, but we might need to put up with a greater openness to the work of the Holy Spirit than we’ve been used to.
If we want to get along with Lutherans, we’ll share views about the importance of Paul’s teaching on righteousness, but we might need to get used to more liturgy than is typical for us.
If we want to get along with Catholics, we’ll share views about how central the gathered, worshiping body of Christ is for the lives of believers, but we will have to tolerate very different ideas about how authority works in the church.
You may have noticed that, in choosing my examples, I have highlighted things we share that are close to the center of the Christian faith (Scripture, salvation, morality, etc.). That’s a key feature of groups different from our own. We may have differences of opinion—even strong ones, as in the things I’ve mentioned in the second part of each bullet point—but we must always remember how much we have in common, and how central those common elements are. We are so much more like each other than we are like nonbelievers, in terms of our doctrine and fundamental outlook on life! Perhaps like you, I’ve had the pleasure of worshiping alongside believers from many different Christian groups and in a variety of settings, and I have consistently been impressed by our commonalities.
So, how do we go forward? In the spirit of Part Two of this little series, how do we protect our flocks from true danger while also pursuing (and enjoying) unity with our brothers and sisters who are a little farther distant from us?
A first step might be to just slow down. I have noted that we can be quick to disfellowship. What if, in the spirit of James 1:19, we try to become quicker to listen, slower to speak, and slower to become angry? That would give us time to recognize or remember our commonalities before feeling the need to distance ourselves.
Second, we might have to work to tamp down a judgmental spirit, especially if we have been wronged by another person, church, or group. It really can be ok if that other church’s minister embarrassed us at the area-wide gathering, if only we can find the heart to forgive rather than take revenge. It can be ok that that other church or denomination is more successful in our town; we don’t have to find fault with them or let jealousy steal our hearts. It can be ok that, in the past, our groups have had significant conflict; not all inter-group conflict is resolvable, and sometimes we just have to lay down our weapons and move on, seeking first God’s kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33).
A final suggestion is to turn down the sensitivity of our “heresy detectors.” This one may be really difficult for my own group, due to our strong biblical knowledge and our history of feeling like we’re the only right option. But I can tell you as a church historian: some wrong beliefs are less dangerous than others! In other words, not all wrong beliefs are equally wrong, just like not all sicknesses are “unto death.” What if we could be just a little more accommodating of others’ beliefs? We might not even need to mention them! We can protect our flocks by not adopting those beliefs or practices ourselves, and we can absolutely teach about them in ways that don’t put down our brothers and sisters in other groups. But we don’t need to vilify other groups by broadcasting a warning at 140 decibels about the errors we perceive in them.
Please hear me correctly: I am not all suggesting that there’s no such thing as truth, that all error should be tolerated, or that we just accept everything the world throws at us. What I am saying is that perhaps we have been wrong about the severity of some things we disagree with. Maybe they’ve been splinters in the skin that need a gentle touch, not gangrene in a limb that requires amputation.
Let me close with a biblical argument along this line, something I recently heard from a preacher in Minnesota. Remember that line in Hebrews 12:24-25, where the writer says that the sprinkled blood of Jesus “speaks a better word” than that of Abel? (The NIV, NRSVu, and ESV all render it this way; the NASB and KJV say it “speaks/speaketh better.”) What is that better word? Well, if we look back at Genesis 4:10-12, that’s where God tells Cain that Abel’s blood “cries out” from the ground. We aren’t sure what it cries out—there’s no quotation from Abel’s blood—but the result of the crying out is judgment from God upon Cain.
What if the “better” word of Jesus’s blood is mercy—or grace? That would certainly fit the message of Hebrews, as in 4:16: “Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Could we give that to others? When we feel wronged, could we give mercy instead of the punishment we think they deserve? Could we give the grace of love, patience, and the right hand of fellowship to our brothers and sisters, even when it is totally undeserved?
Let’s try it. We need each other more than we think, and this can help bind us together.
