Mending Generational Divides: The Practice of Listening for Unity
A generational crisis faces many churches today. Divides are growing between the older and younger generations. Lack of relationship between different ages creates conflict and suspicion. Often, different generations co-exist alongside each other, yet there is no real connection. Minimal interaction. Lack of opportunity to learn from one other. The result is that churches are caught downstream in the choppy waters of generational division.
A few headwaters can be discerned as the source of this challenge in churches.[1] One reason involves inherited models of age-based learning. Churches adopted this educational model in the 20th century, which resulted in structural separations like children’s wings and youth centers. This model has a place in spiritual formation, but age-based ministry can easily morph into age-segregation.
Another significant factor includes the influence of American culture on many congregations. Forces like generational marketing, which targets the needs of one age group, can form unhealthy mindsets within a church. Each age group can begin to believe their generation is most important and needs to be prioritized, even to the neglect of others. Many church disagreements and divisions result from this infection within congregations.
A final reason – maybe the most subtle one – for our current generational division is the intentional choice we make with how we spend our time and energy. It is easier to hang out with those in a similar age and stage of life. The hard work of cross-generational relationships can get neglected, causing us to get trapped in generational silos. Each of these forces deserves deeper reflection, but I want to focus on the final influence: the choices we make. We all have the capacity to make relational choices that can help mend age segregation in our churches. Specifically, I want to offer one practice for followers of Jesus that can help all of us swim upstream towards greater unity in the generational body of Christ: the practice of listening for unity.
The priority for God’s people of listening weaves throughout Scripture. James tells us to be quick to listen (James 1:19). Jesus reminds us to be careful how we listen (Luke 8:18). The writer of Proverbs reveals that the way of wisdom involves being intentional about listening to those around us (Proverbs 12:15, 18:13). When we truly give our attention, we carry a different posture towards others. We do not just want something from them but for them – to be heard, to find relationship, to experience a deeper kind of bond. In a world of distraction and dismissing differing viewpoints, this calls the church to model something better.
The phrase “listening for unity” captures this deeper goal. It reminds us that there is an aim to our attentiveness. We listen with a desire to become more unified with the person who is speaking. A working definition of this phrase is as follows: Listening for unity is a practice for disciples of Jesus that aims for connection, understanding, and appreciation of others in the Body of Christ. This definition reveals the aim for a deeper kind of encounter between different individuals.
This definition also points to an important starting point for churches who desire more unity between different age groups. Simply put: different generations within the same church rarely even talk to each other. We may sit next to each other in worship or walk past one another in the lobby, but then we retreat into our generational sub-cultures. I would challenge leaders to think beyond casual, lobby interactions to something more meaningful and mutual. I would encourage them to consider how different generations might begin to connect in deeper, conversational ways.
Intergenerational communication can help a church to better embrace the generational Body of Christ.[2] The Apostle Paul frequently uses this metaphor to help the church imagine their life together (Rom 12:3-8, 1 Cor 12:12-27, Eph 4:11-16). There are many parts, and those parts need to stay connected to each other! The words we speak and receive are critical components for a church who desires to maintain this unity (Eph 4:3). This biblical priority is more than just tolerating; it is real engagement. It is not keeping the peace; it is making peace.[3] One of the best places to develop this vision of unity is through our listening.
So how exactly might a church begin to move in this direction? I would offer three guideposts for what this might look like in a local context, based on our definition of listening for unity. Connection. Understanding. Appreciation.
First, look for ways to help members connect through conversation. Instead of just sitting next to someone on a row, imagine tables where different age groups can encounter each other in deeper ways. Combine Bible classes. Launch a small group. Host a special event. Where can we make space for connection between different age groups?
Second, find ways to move our members towards understanding one another. In other words, once we are around the table, then we must focus on the substance of the conversation. Share stories from our lives. Wrestle with texts and topics together. Create avenues for deep listening. How can we facilitate deeper conversation between the generations?
Third, explore ways to appreciate the perspectives of others in your church. Help members begin to see the unique gifts that other age groups offer to the larger Body. Find ways to bless and appreciate what different generations bring to the table. The role of the leader is essential here; we set the tone for this appreciative posture in how we interact with others. How can we show gratitude and blessing to different generational perspectives in our church?
These guideposts will not solve every generational issue in our churches, but they provide essential starting points and practices. Congregations are healthier and holier when members of different age groups carry out real dialogue. My conviction is that beginning to help our congregations engage in meaningful and mutual intergenerational conversations can help us swim upstream in a divided world. A church who desires such unity must find ways to talk and listen to each other as the Body of Christ.
1. For more on the influences impacting generational division in our churches see Holly Catterton Allen, Christine Lawton, and Cory L. Seibel, Intergenerational Christian Formation: Bringing the Whole Church Together in Ministry, Community, and Worship: Second Edition (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2023).
2. For more on guiding principles for conversations between different age groups see Melissa Cooper, “Cross-Generational Communication,” in Engaging All Generations: A strategic Toolkit for Creating Intergenerational Faith Communities, ed. Cory Seibel (Abilene: ACU Press, 2021), 223-29.
3. For more on what it looks like to be a peace-making church see Curtis Heffelfinger, The Peace Making Church: 8 Biblical Keys to Resolve Conflict and Preserve Unity (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2018).
4. For more about developing the spiritual practice of conversation in the life of the church see C. Christopher Smith, How the Body of Christ Talks: Recovering the Practice of Conversation in the Church (Grand Rapids: Brazos, 2019).
