The Ties That Bind
The words of the hymn “Bind Us Together, Lord” describe my church family. “Ties that bind” is an old saying that describes shared beliefs binding a group of people together, but it’s important to ask, what exactly are these ties? Each church might be able to share some of the natural and even unlikely places where ties are created, but here are some that I have seen strengthen a church.
One tie comes from how a church handles conflict. Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, sometimes staying and fighting through the fire brings forth strength and love within a congregation that would not have been discovered otherwise. I do not always agree with every decision that elders, deacons, and leaders of our congregation make, but these are the places where we have the opportunity to really understand each other better. Because in the words of my younger brother, “No one is going to drive me away from my church family.” Church leaders draw many lines in the sand, but this is my line: no one will drive away me or another member.
Another tie is the natural interpersonal bonds that form within a church. Our congregation has many biological families who worship together and usually sit together. That’s a bond within a bond. Other bonds are with the community. Our congregation has an average of 10 or more public school teachers and personnel, both active and retired, who have a strong, positive impact on our community. They create another family with ties that bind the whole community together.
My church family also loves to sing. We sing in worship services, for funerals, as we clean up after shared meals, and sometimes after services are over. Many stories can be found in song. On one occasion after a ladies’ meal, several of us started to sing hymns and songs from our childhood, which eventually turned into a singing group called the Mason Jars. This group, founded through a moment of singing, has been through marriages, babies, losses, and now grandchildren. We’ve sung in different states and for a variety of audiences. While we do sing ’50s and ’60s music, we always end by saying that we are sisters in Christ and end with a hymn.
Another tie is Bible class, which offers members an opportunity to study and grow closer on a more intimate level. I love our ladies’ Bible class where the variety of teachers bring their own teaching style to the class. Sometimes humorous stories are shared, sometimes sins, and sometimes our daily struggles. Our class is a mix of young mothers, mothers with teens, grandmothers, widows, and singles. I have learned so much from all ages and life experiences of the class. Many can recall stories, words of wisdom, and life examples of those who have gone before us. We share these stories with one another, which binds us to past generations.
For me, one of the greatest ties is the sharing of family stories. My earthly family has many stories that bind us together, and so does my church family. Not all stories start with love, joy, and unity, but they end up that way. For instance, at one ladies’ day we had an enthusiastic young woman who was the chairperson. She volunteered to lead the singing, introduce the speaker, and organize the lunch. She lived in the country and came early in the morning to set rolls out to rise. We had two home economists in our congregation (I was one) who left the speaker’s presentation to check on the meal. We in our “trained wisdom,” decided the rolls weren’t going to rise in time so we set them in the oven. Unfortunately when lunch time came those rolls had turned into rock hard little tennis balls! This was 30-plus years ago, and we have laughed and retold the story many times. And those rolls? Those rolls have been in flower arrangements, gifts in jewel boxes, and even made into necklaces. The last one turned into crumbs two years ago. All we have to do is mention rolls, and smiles and laughter ensue.
Sometimes stories bind us together, as they are told and retold, celebrating Christians who have passed on. One of our favorite stories happened in our ladies’ Bible class. We had a class on cursing and what words were commonly used in place of curse words, like darn, shoot, or dagnammit. On the third row in a class of about 20 women, Aunt Essie leaned over to Sister Ben in what she thought was a whisper and said, “Well, good grief, what can we say?” Of course, good grief was one on the list. Both of those lovely ladies have passed on after living a good Christian life.
Some ties can be challenging. In a small congregation we become intertwined within one another’s lives and over a long period of time. People know what someone did or didn’t do, or what they said from as far back as grade school. One even remembers how another’s child behaved towards theirs, and what was said or not said. Memories can turn into grudges if one is not careful. We must force these things aside in order to choose fellowship and love.
Another challenging tie is the closeness with which we worship. We know intimate details about one another along with their extended family. Boundaries are a dance of when to speak up and when to stay silent. However, as stated before, one must put self to the side and choose fellowship and love.
Many are put off by the idea of a small congregation. There is a fear of closeness, of being connected and interwoven with one another. There are challenges, yes. However, you can see that it allows for ties that bind us together to make us strong and pull us through hard, dark moments. Through all of these ties—shared stories and laughter, singing with one another, intimate fellowship with one another, and denying self for the bigger picture of lifting God high above us—we glorify God and come together as a family, as one body, as he intended.
