A Ministry of Coming Alongside
If you are a long-distance runner—not just a regular old half- or full-marathoner but one of those crazy people who do like trail ultras—there is no more beautiful thing to see than the next aid station.
I’m not one of those runners! But I have worked at a number of those aid stations during long racing events. There’s an art to running an aid station. You want to have anything and everything imaginable that the runners might want to consume. They are burning through a lot of calories, so it isn’t the typical “water, Gatorade, and maybe a energy gel.” Instead, we are talking about things like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, M&Ms, trail mix, gummy bears, flat soda, etc. And then you need to have medical aid available, things like bandages, wraps, pain medicine, gauze, and foot powder.
With an aid station, the goal is to have things available but not to try to force anything on anyone. You might offer or suggest, but the main goal is to help them find what they need and get back out onto the course to keep moving ahead. It is about supporting the runner.
Ok, Daniel, that’s weirdly fascinating, but what does that have to do with ministry?
Think about it this way: How often in ministry do we try to give people what we think they need? Whether that is in a pastoral counseling session or in upcoming class offerings or even from the pulpit, many times we think we know the answer to people’s situations without hearing where they are coming from.
This happened recently with one of my kids who was having a problem with someone in school. She was telling me her story, and I started giving her advice, because I am a “fixer” and that’s what I do. She just stopped and looked at me in that pre-teen way and said, “Thanks for that… Can you listen to what I am actually saying?” Ouch! But she is so right! So often we try to provide solutions without knowing what people are truly facing.
This problem reminds me of a beautiful passage in 2 Corinthians 1:2-4: "Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” In my pastoral care, whether in the military or in my congregation, I must stay grounded in my own faith and interaction with God. I remember that God has shown up for me in these ways in my life, forgiven me of my brokenness, and walked with me through dark times… and that allows me to attempt to be present for the person in front of me. Not because I have the answers, but because they are a beloved child of the God of all compassion and comfort.
We must first seek to understand before seeking to be understood. This is not a calling to clinical detachment as many therapists practice, but a spiritual engagement that seeks to come alongside those who are struggling and meet them in their moment of need, just as God did for us.
My thoughts as I sit across from someone in a pastoral counseling session are:
What is this person saying? What is this person not saying?
What of myself am I bringing into this discussion, and is that helping or hindering our interaction?
What does this person need in this moment? Advice or just a listening ear? Words of comfort or challenge? Do they need me to help them remember the goodness, grace, or peace of God?
What is the Holy Spirit up to in this person’s life and in this situation?
What is going to lead towards the grace and peace of God as we move forward? What options are there?
Ray Ortlund contends that this is the meaning and mission of pastoral counseling, to come in with “gentle, honest conversations with sinners and sufferers who want Jesus at their personal point of need.”
In essence, we serve as aid stations, offering help to people running the race of life and needing to be cared for and sustained to move forward. I have options, but it is up to them what they take. I can’t force a PB&J on them when all they might need is water and electrolytes! Instead, we are called to come alongside and bring the comfort of God to bear in their circumstance in the ways that God is leading us.
