You Can Keep Your Thanksgiving and Joy
This week on Mosaic, we’re sharing stories from chaplains in our community. Their experiences offer a window into a unique kind of ministry, and we think there’s something for all of us in the words they have to share.
During my time in residency, staff members gathered to perform holiday songs on the unit. The hospital believed that hearing Christmas songs would bring joy to patients and families during difficult times. While for some patients it was a blessing, other patients did not see it that way. Some even became angry and forced the carolers out of their room.
While many may think that the angry patient is being rude, I once asked a patient who had reacted in this way if she was okay and she stated that she would never get to return home, as she was informed that she would be placed in hospice. She said that hearing those songs reminded her of all she was losing and intensified her sadness. It was then I realized that what brings joy to one person may bring a sense of loss and distress to another.
Then I reflected on a deeper question: Is it just patients?
For some, holidays are a reminder of what and whom they have lost.
The pressure to be polite can lead many to sit and smile while their hearts are breaking.
I believe that this happens not only to patients but also to others who go through difficult times. While it may be excusable for some to ignore the pain of others, the chaplain has the training and the ability to be aware of hidden pain (through a fake smile, or a thin joke) and be able to sit with an individual and provide space to assess what is going on beneath the smile, validate the person’s struggles and provide a safe space to “feel what they need to feel.”
This is crucial because I don’t think people who are suffering actually hate caroling or other songs and rituals of the holidays. Maybe they are not ready for the chords of joy but would benefit from the lyrics of lament. Maybe patients, families, and hurting people want to sing, but they want to sing the songs that are true to them in the moment.
The country twang of heartbreak.
The musical verse of tragedy.
The angry message of hip hop.
Maybe, rather than hearing a joyful carol, they would benefit from participants who are willing to listen to their songs and, non-judgmentally, say that while their songs are painful, they are also beautiful, especially in the way each unique person sings them.
