Being an Intergenerational Presence
Introduction
Intergenerational ministry creates mutual and meaningful interactions between different generations within the church. Too often, our faith communities are divided along age-based lines—older individuals stick with their peers, and younger individuals do the same. The challenge for most communities of faith is overcoming these divisions. In the first two blog posts in this series, we considered “the what” and “the why” of intergenerational ministry.
Last month, we began to explore “the how”—how a community can begin to move toward an intergenerational culture of faith. I offered two key questions for churches to consider as they dream about possibilities in their community. In this article, I want to further explore ways for churches to become more intergenerational by wrestling with the following question: What can a single individual do if their church culture tends to segregate and divide along age-based lines?
Leaving a Wake
One of my favorite images for answering this question is to think of a boat on a lake. I did not grow up near this kind of body of water—my childhood aquatic experiences consisted of an above-ground pool in our backyard. Therefore, when I went to college and met people whose families owned lake houses, I decided we should become friends!
I still remember the first time a group of us traveled to Center Hill Lake. My favorite activity from that weekend was going tubing for the first time. I remember lying down on this huge tube, and the last words I heard were, “Just hang on.” In hindsight, I’m pretty sure my friend had a sly grin on his face as he uttered those words. What started as calmly bobbing along the surface soon became a fight for survival as my friend whipped the boat back and forth. I would scream with delight and terror, white knuckles holding on for dear life, as I saw waves speeding my way.
I survived, and so did our friendship. However, this near-death experience taught me a lesson about waves and wakes. My friend had power over me in that the boat’s movement could create anything from a mild ripple to a massive wave. How he moved in the water determined how I would be affected on my tube. It was not a matter of if there would be a wake—it was a matter of what kind of wake he would leave.
Our lives work similarly. We leave a wake regardless of whether we want to admit it. The way we engage people. The tone we take. The hugs or high fives we offer. The words we speak or withhold. The calm presence or cold shoulder. It is good to be aware of how we impact others with our lives. We all have the power to shape the environments around us.
This principle of leaving a wake is valuable when developing intergenerational environments. What you do, who you talk to, and how you carry yourself in the life of a congregation all leave ripples. You make an impact. You have influence. You model something to someone, even if you don’t want to admit it. Therefore, if you want to cultivate an intergenerational environment, it often starts with one individual trying to leave an intergenerational wake. What might this look like in practice?
An Example of Being an Intergenerational Presence
One of my favorite examples comes from an individual who befriended me during my first year of full-time congregational ministry. During those initial months, before I found permanent housing, one of the church elders invited me to live with him and his wife. Part of their invitation was to help me save money for a place of my own. However, in time, I realized there were other motivations as well.
These other reasons stemmed from this couple’s love of serving people of all ages and life stages. I experienced this care first-hand during my year living with them. They would rise early to make me breakfast and stay up late chatting and sharing stories from their varied lives: service in the Air Force, attending Bible college, flying for a prominent airline company, living on a boat while the husband attended law school in California. There was a constant stream of fascinating stories.
I grew to love this couple for their generosity in hosting me. I also grew to love them for how they loved our church. Every Sunday, I would see them in the foyer welcoming people of all ages. They hosted a life group on Sunday evenings with an open invitation to anyone who wanted to attend. They would host young-adult events that I planned, always ensuring there was plenty of food.
One Sunday, I asked the husband about his work with our church. He smiled broadly and said, “Every Sunday I try to make it a point to talk to people who are not in my age group. I think it’s important for me to interact with all different types of people at our church. It’s good for me, and I think it’s good for the church.” I’ve reflected on that comment many times over the years. He embodied that statement Sunday after Sunday—chatting with students, greeting older and younger members alike, and visiting classes of varied age groups.
He demonstrates what an intergenerational presence can look like in church life and how simple it can be. All he tries to do is make a point to interact with people of other ages—to be intentional with his interactions across generational lines. He models an alternative to what often happens in church, where it is easy to fall into familiar habits and congregate with similar ages. This explains why some people come in the same door, sit in the same pew, and talk to the same people every single Sunday.
We are creatures of habit, myself included, but we can change our patterns. We can choose, like my elder friend, to be more intentional on Sunday mornings. We can pay attention to where we go, who we talk to, which classes we attend, and the patterns of behavior we exhibit. We can choose to become more intergenerational in our presence at church, and thus leave a different kind of wake.
Questions for Becoming an Intergenerational Presence
If you desire to create this kind of wake at your church, consider these questions:
What is my typical routine when I am with my church? Who do I typically talk to, and where do I usually go?
What new age group could I seek out each week? Where could I go in the building or where might I sit during worship that places me around new people?
What might I share about myself when interacting with someone from a different age group? What questions could I ask them?
Who do I already know from a different generation in my church? How might they help me get to know people in their age group?
How might I share what I’m learning from these new interactions? Who could I talk to about what I’m experiencing to gain support in my intergenerational efforts?
